[the happiness project] ? Hippie In Bloom

I finally finished reading Gretchen Rubin?s The Happiness Project.?It took me about a month longer than it should?ve ? mostly because I took a month off from reading anything happiness related. A few days ago, I finally picked up the book again, mostly out of pure stubbornness of needing to finish the book rather than my desire to embrace happiness again.

To be honest, I picked up the book randomly at Costco because it was sitting next to The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet?s Nest?and since I was buying The Girl?I figured I?d buy the book next to it with a pretty blue cover. I knew nothing about it and didn?t even realize that the reason her name seemed so familiar was because I had actually spent a summer uploading various blog posts from her onto Intent.com. And really, I was also just drawn to the title.

So I started the book expecting to like it. And then I actually didn?t like it. And then I decided to just embrace the book as it is and I would say that when I closed the book an hour ago, I was more or less satisfied with what I read.

My initial dislike for the book can probably be narrowed down to the fact that I was expecting an Eat, Pray, Love?sort of book, but instead got a New York lawyer-turned-writer who really liked to quote famous people and laundry list studies related to happiness.

I also didn?t feel a lot of ?reflection? being done on her side. While I knew that the point of her book was to tackle every day things in life, she did seem to do a lot of nagging and criticism throughout the book. Thankfully, 250 pages in, she finally recognized the demons in herself and realized she needed to change. This may have saved the whole book for me. It is also slightly ironic that she did not seem to get to the nagging and criticism piece until November ? my birthday month.

Alas.

That said, I suppose Rubin?s take on happiness and her life was a somewhat refreshing break from the Deepak Chopra and Gangaji books that I?ve been having a hard time concentrating on lately. And let me remind you that by the end of the book, I actually enjoyed her book.

There are a few things that I think I can take from this book (this is when I am glad that I am disgustingly reflective by nature):

1.) It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light

Rubin is reminded of this quote from G. K. Chesterton when she realizes how much easier it is to criticize, be unhappy, and be negative than it is to appear happy. My mother would probably argue that I am a walking billboard for this statement. In truth, I don?t actually enjoy being sad or negative, and I don?t like it when other people are either ? hence my recent physical move in the workplace. I didn?t enjoy the criticism and negativity over my shoulders. So I left.

On a similar note, teaching is probably a weird affirmation of this quote. It is easy to yell at or criticize my students for the bad work that they had done, or the lack of work all together. It is harder to try to joke around with a 14 year old?s sense of humor and easier to scoff at their immaturity.

It is easy to be heavy, and by god do I know it. It is hard to be light, and do I know this as well. But hard does not mean impossible. So recognize that it is hard, and keep trying.

I think I should have that last paragraph tattooed on to my forehead.

2.) Apparently, by definition, I am actually neurotic.

Okay, so maybe not the most accurate of statements. Nonetheless, Rubin finds that the definition of ?neurotic? is something along the lines of people who have ?very strong negative reactions ? fear anxiety, shame, guilt, disgust, sadness ? very often directed at themselves? (pg. 265) By this definition, I think I?ve been neurotic since I turned 11 years old.

3.) To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere for growth.

I remember in January of 2010, after a relatively emotionally tumultuous 2008 and 2009, I made the conscious decision to be happier ? my own happiness project without labeling it as such and not knowing Rubin?s book existed (it was published in 2009). This meant taking a class that I was interested in even if it didn?t really count toward anything for graduation, saying yes to adventurous weekend expeditions that I usually would have said no to (basically ?say yes?), reaching out to important friends, and concentrating on myself. The results were immediate ? I was intellectually stimulated by my Asian-American literature class, enjoyed Sunday morning hikes and museum hopping in the city (great pictures!), got to catch up with friends that I hadn?t talked to in a while, and got work done.

Along the way, I also got to a point where I could really let myself embody the idea, ?love and be loved.? I finally stopped resisting what was blatantly in front of my face and to let myself be loved. And sure enough, I found love.

For the first time in a while, I was happy with where I was.

Here was strong evidence that my own happiness project, that was?unknowingly?quite similar to Rubin?s, actually worked.

After I graduated, though, I slowly began to give away again to my neuroticism (look! I can label myself now!). I had no direction post-graduation, I went to live under the same roof as my mother (a decision that I knew would probably be emotionally unhealthy for me and ultimately was), and widened the physical distance between myself and all things that I loved by moving to the most physically isolated island in the world. I couldn?t go hiking with friends, museum hopping with my bosses, and most of all, I lost opportunities of shared experiences with the person that I loved.

There were moments when I tried to revive my happiness project. I said yes to a job that I knew would challenge me and force me to grow. I thought living with my mother again would reestablish our relationship post-divorce and I would develop a relationship with my new step dad. And I met some very interesting people through work.

That said, my level of happiness dropped immensely in the few months after college and moving back home. My family could feel it, my friends could sense it, and my biggest regret is that I forced the burden on to the person I love.

While I haven?t been able to snap out of this state of decline completely, somewhere along the way I realized that I needed to move and be near my friends and community. I needed to move away from home and be my own person.

I needed to stop asking others to carry my burden with me and to start acting happy so I could actually be happy. Consider feeling good.

Unfortunately, I realized this too late and have lost the person I love. Consider feeling bad.

And now I?m taking steps to move forward, albeit rather struggling through it, to the next chapter in my life. Roommates, new apartment, new city, and new job. Consider feeling right.

One of my happiest moments is sitting at Evo's Coffee Shop in Ashland, Oregon

I know all of this will cultivate growth. I do not doubt that. But this is also why the lovely phrase ?easier said than done? exists.

I know that I have to start my happiness project again. And I know that there is no right time to start it. In fact, the right time is probably now.

But first, I think I need to get my life in order. I need to reconsider what feels good, what makes me feel pain, and what feels right.

I already know a few of the resolutions that will be included in my happiness project:
- eat more vegetables and fruit (thank goodness SF is very hippie)
- take a dance class (my body is screaming for this)
- volunteer to help youth (help others!)
- learn to flirt (I am absolutely horrible at this)

If anything, even if I didn?t always enjoy Rubin?s method of spewing happiness studies or how half of her chapters involved her taking excerpts from her comments on her blog (probably shaved off about 30 pages of the book if those weren?t there), perhaps the most important thing I will take from this book is a reminder that I need to get back on track.

In her ?The Happiness Project Manifesto? Rubin declares, ?you?re not happy unless you think you?re happy.? I don?t think I?m happy. That?s why I?m not happy. But I know that I was happy once, so I know that I?m capable of it.

Finally, in her last chapters, Rubin quotes Samuel Johnson in his reflection about resolutions: ?The need of doing, therefore, is pressing, since the time of doing is short.? In other words, just get off my ass and start that damn happiness project. Stop wallowing in sadness. Look forward to the next hour, the next week, the next month.

The time of doing is, indeed, short.

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Rubin?s ?The Happiness Project Toolbox?

Source: http://hippieinbloom.wordpress.com/2011/05/30/the-happiness-project/

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